There seems to be an epidemic of misused apostrophes lately. Blog posts, church bulletins, signs--they're everywhere! So here is a little reminder, all in good fun:
Apostrophes are maddening
and frankly, it’s quite saddening
to see misuse and harsh abuse
before my very eyes!
Punctuation is oppressive—
Did you know “its” is possessive?—
and contractions are distractions
that elicit anguished cries.
This may be quite depressin’
but you just might need this lesson
on when you ought to use (or not)
that little curvy mark.
So in the interest of prevention
(I don’t mean to cause contention)
I now will show what you should know,
not leave you in the dark.
If you want to show possession
it would be an indiscretion
to cause distress for little “s”
with no apostrophe.
But when you’re showing many,
in most cases, don’t use any.
For more than one (butts, days or suns)
just let those fellas be.
I hope you don’t feel queasy,
but contractions can be easy
if you just recall to write them all
apostrophes included.
Don’t fall into deception.
There are very few exceptions.
My lesson’s now concluded.
